Season 45 Top Free Agent Signings

19. J.O. Balboa – RP. Colorado Surf Riders III - Age 36. Asking $5.2M/1 year. Signed for $7.1M/3. Has won 14 games in one season and saved 14 in another. A career record of 91-59 with a 3.75 ERA and 1.28 WHIP.

18. Tom Siddall - Salt Lake City Dead Bunnies - SP/ RP, age 32. Asking $25M/4 years, signed for $27.6M/5. Has had an up and down career, but went a combined 26-9 with 4 saves in as many opportunities during the last two seasons.

17. Kareem McCullum – Colorado Surf Riders III – 2B, age 30. Asking $18.8M/3 years, signed for $31.7/5 Great fit for Colorado, where he should be able to get back to his .800+ OPS days from early in his career.

16. Ken Drese – Tampa Bay Don Cesars - RP,/SP, age 34. Asking $8.8M/2 years, signed for $.7M/2. Has been a valuable 100+ inning pitcher for all eleven of his ML seasons. Posted a WHIP of 1.23 or lower in six of them, including season 42's sick 0.95 to go with 1.73 ERA in 89 innings.

15. Edgmer Bazardo - Cleveland Lake Monsters – SP, age 29. Asking $21M/3 years, signed for $21M/3. Workhorse has pitched over 200 innings five times in his career. Has only one decent season on his resume, season 40 when he went 18-5 while making the All-Star team.. He is only 29 and is just entering his prime.

14. Rigo Fernandez – Florida Marchadors – RP, age 32. Asking $20.8M/4 years, signed for $20,8M/4. Last season's NL Fireman of the Year had a tremendous comeback season in saving 45 games in 48 chances. Has another season with 30 saves and another with 29.

13. 
    

12. Brian Moreno – Santa Fe Brooks - SP. Age 32. Asking $13M/2 years, signed for $8.8M/2. Won 16 games twice, 15 once and has a lifetime win-loss record of 101-73. Has posted an ERA under 3 in four of his nine seasons.

11. Doug Shannon – St. Louis Sano - Asking $11.6M/2 years, signed for $6.8M/2. Even though his Gold Glove days are behind him (he has four,) he is still a plus defender at several key positions. The two-time All-Star has nine seasons in which he scored 90+ runs and seven in which he stole 20+ bases.

10. Warren Henry – Houston Wildcats – LF, age 31. Asking $17.6M/3 years, signed $25.7M/4. Five seasons with an OPS of .800 or better, including last year's stellar .929. He hit .341/.415/.514.

9. Samuel Merrick – Tampa Bay Don Cesars – LF, age 36. Asking $7.2M/2 years, signed for $7.2M/2. Eleven-time All-Star, five-time Silver Slugger. 557 home runs, 1564 RBI, 390 SB's, and a slash line of .297/.374/.565 for his career. A sure bet first-ballot Hall of Famer.

8. Rolando Jacquez – Aneheim Arte Morenos – C/DH, age 29. Asking $8.4M/2 years, signed for $57M/5. What he lacks in durability is made up in production. Three seasons with an OPS of .900 or better. Averages 32 home runs and 90 RBI per 500 at bats for his career.

7. Kosuke Sakomoto – Houston Wildcats - SP, age 30. Asking $31.3M/5 years, signed for $88.5M/5. A double-digit winner in seven of his nine seasons. As an All-Star in season 43, he went 15-4 with a 2,62 ERA and 1.09 WHIP. Last season's 28 homers allowed is an aberration, as he generally does a good job of keeping the ball in the park.

6. Todd Sanders – St. Louis Sano – 3B/2B, age 31. Asking $28.5M/4 years, signed for $31M/5. Four seasons with an OPS of .800 or better, and eight seasons with at least 20 SB's. All while being a plus defender at both second and third.

5. Manny Iwazaki – Salt Lake City Dead Bunnies. SP. Age 32. Asking $30M/4 years, signed for $90M/5. Has won at least 11 games and pitched 200+ innings in each of his 10 seasons since his rookie campaign in 34. Has been named to two All-Star teams, including season 41 in which he went 16-11 with a 2.56 ERA and 1.01 WHIP.

4. Fausto Villarreal – Los Angeles Colemans - SP/RP, age 36. Asking $17.4M/3 years, signed for $5.8M/1. . Has been an All-Star in each of the past five seasons, and has been selected a total of seven times. The two time Cy Young Award winner went 19-1 in season 30, 18-4 in 42, and 18-2 in 43. Has 194 career wins to go with his 2.59 ERA and 1.08 WHIP. Another sure bet for the Hall of Fame.

3. Glendon Gibson - Santa Fe Brooks - SP/RP, age 32. Asking $15M/2 years, signed for $73M/5. The former ROY has won two rings during his tenure in Iowa. Career record of 101 – 47 with 43 saves, 1.07 WHIP, and 2.06 ERA. Averages 130+ innings per season.

2. Sammy Castillo – Salt Lake City Dead Bunnies - SP, age 35. Asking $20.3M/3 years, signed for $44M/5. Averages 210 innings per season, Has a career 222-159 won/loss record. Is a two time 20 game winner, a two time 19 game winner, and a two time 18 game winner.

1. Elmer Fasano – Helena Hermits - INF/OF, age 31. - Asking $30.5M/4 years, signed for $65.6M/5. Six-time All-Star, four time Silver Slugger., two time World Series Champ. Has scored more than 100 runs in each of his 9 seasons, has stolen 409 bases during that span. Career slash line of .300/.386/.459

Season 43 New Hall of Fame Candidates

There are several new names on the ballot, including these outstanding nominees...


Oleg D'Amico

A rarity that he played his entire 17-year career in D.C. under one ownership...613 career home runs, 1916 RBI and 2843 hits...In his spare time Oleg is a world-class fencer,  author, and licensed Boeing 757 pilot....Not only could he rake at the dish, but he is arguably the best defensive first baseman of all time, racking up ten Gold Gloves...The one time Rookie of the Year established himself with season 28's career year; 54 home runs, 157 RBI, and a .937 OPS...Right after turning pro, he became a vegan because he believed the diet would eliminate the need to bathe....The five-time All-star had nine 40+ home run seasons, six 100+ runs scored seasons, and nine double-digit stolen base seasons.


Goose King

Considered to be one of the best lead-off hitters of all time; 675 career stolen bases and seven seasons in which he scored 120 or more runs...Was an eleven time All-star and a six-time Silver Slugger, including two as a second baseman....As a child, Goose, his brother Cecil, and his next-door neighbor would ride their bicycles through the garden pretending to catch Pokemon....His season 32 MVP season reads like this; .356/.426/.617 slash line, 27 home runs, 48 doubles, 84 RBI, 118 runs scored, and 58 steals in 60 attempts...Goose absolutely hates baked beans...Owns a career .310 batting average, hitting .320 or better five times.


Birdy Henley

Joins D'Amico as a Hall nominee who spent his entire career in D.C....
247 career wins, 3742 strikeouts, which is second all-time, finishing just 38 shy of leader Clinton Puffer...During his summer in the Cape League, Birdy worked part-time at a Golden Corral. His job duties included replenishing the fondue station and cleaning the sneeze guard....The four-time All-star won the Cy Young Award in season 28.  He went 18-7 with 233 strikeouts, a 2.77 ERA, and a 1.12 WHIP in 256 innings...

Season 43 Top Free Agent Signings

1. Seop Jiang – Las Vegas Bookies - COF, age 29, 9 ML seasons. Asking $38M/4 years. Signed for $110M/5 years. He's only 29 and he has already been an All-star seven times. He has four MVP awards and 5 Silver Sluggers. He has more than 400 homers and 1000 RBI's for his career, and will easily end up as one of the world's all-time bests.

2. Braxton Wayne - Iowa City Johnson - 2B/CF, age 29, 8 ML seasons, Asking $25M/4 years. Signed for $60M/5 years. The best two-way player on the market. Has won five Gold Gloves at a defensive position, and can flat-out rake at the dish. Has averaged 33 HR's and just under 90 RBI for his career.

3. Brent Davis - Trenton Trunk Monkeys - SP, age 37, 13 ML seasons. Asking $12.5 M/2 years. Signed for $30.6M/4 years. The five-time All-star, has a career mark of 189-141, with two 20 win seasons under his belt. He has also wan 17, 18 and 19 games in a season. Still going strong with a 3.21 ERA and a 1.13 WHIP in 215 innings last year.

4. Anthony Clark – Florida Marchadors - SP, age 36, 15 ML seasons. Asking $5.6M/1 year. Signed for $22M/3 years. Four-time All-star has 221 career wins. Before last season's mini-disaster, he averaged 18 wins during his previous three in Cincinnati, including season 40's masterpiece. He went 19-4 with 2.59 ERA and 1.08 WHIP.

5.  Andrea Sheffield – Trenton Trunk Monkeys - RP, age 35, 13 ML seasons. Asking $18.8M/3 years. Signed for $35.5M/5 years. Four-time All-star, three-time Fireman of the Year. Has averaged 106 IP over the past five seasons with a WHIP of around 1.10.

6  Pablo Figueroa – Fargo Marlboro Men - SP, age 38, 14 ML seasons. Asking $12M/2 years. Signed for $16.2M/2 years. Three-time World Series winner, including last season's title with Iowa. Eleven seasons with double-digit wins. Went 13-9 with a 3.89 ERA last season at age 37.

7. Russ Herndon – Durham BULLS - 2B, age 33, 9 ML seasons. Asking $10.8M/2 years. Signed for $10.9M/2 years. Career .800+ OPS guy while giving you solid D. Had a great season 38 in which he OBP'd .407 with 21 HR's and 105 runs scored. He made 8 great plays in 53 games as a right fielder to boot.

8. Alex Harris - Tampa Bay Don Cesars  - SP, age 37, 12 ML seasons. Asking $5.6M/1 year. Signed for $11.6M/2 years. 154 career wins for the former Cy Young Award winner. Career 3.59 ERA and 1.25 WHIP, but will not be terribly durable, especially at his age.

9. Victor Santana - Iowa City Johnsons – RP, age 38, 13 ML seasons. Asking $5.6M/2 years. Signed for $6.2M/2 years. Closing in on 400 career saves is the seven-time All-star and two time Fireman of the Year. Six seasons with 40 saves or more, including season 36's 50.

10  Hanley Everidge – Kansas City Fountains- RP/SP, age 30, 8 ML seasons. Asking $16.8M/3 years. Signed for $22M/4 years. The swingman has a very respectable 3.78 ERA and 1.28 WHIP for his career, considering he pitched exclusively in Philadelphia. Had an outstanding season 40 when he won 9 games and posted a 1.93 ERA and 1.12 WHIP in 125 innings.

11. Johan Satterwhite –Houston Wildcats - C/DH, age 32, 10 ML seasons. Asking $11.6M/3 years. Signed for $11.7M/3 years. Has a .307/.390/.516 career slash line as a part-time player. Is hoping to win a full-time job in Houston and rake.

12. John Koh – Atlanta Stars - INF, age 30, 6 ML seasons. Asking $18.8M/3 years. Signed for $28.4M/4 years.  Belted a career-high 27 home runs last season while registering 9 great plays at short. Will give you some good D at a variety of positions at this stage of career, and will be a tough out at the plate.

13. Souta Sung –Durham BULLS - CF, age 29, 7 ML seasons. Asking $10.8M/2 years. Signed for $11.3M/2 years. Averages 26 HR's and 13 SB's while holding down CF.

14. Ralph Hamlin – Syracuse Barking Spiders – LF, age 30, 7 ML years. Asking $17.3M/3 years. Signed for $17.3/3 years. Solid top of the line up hitter who's won two Gold Gloves as a corner outfielder. Has driven in 90+ runs three times in his career. Hit a career best 34 home runs last season.

15.  Sadie Friend – Los Angeles Colemans - SP, age 29, 6 ML seasons. Asking $16.8M/3 years. Signed for $7.6M/2 years. Career bests last season in wins, ERA, WHIP and IP, and at 29, may finally be hitting his stride.

16. Al Piedra – Cleveland Lake Monsters - RP, age 32, 10 ML seasons. Asking $13.8M/3 years. Signed for $13.8M/3 years. Had a three-year stretch during which he went 35-10 and converted 11 of 13 save opportunities while averaging 113 innings.

17. J.O. Balboa –Kansas City Fountains - SP/RP, age 34, 11 ML seasons. Asking $10.8M/2 years. Signed for $7.8/2 years. Has a career mark of 81-52. Although he's been used primarily as a reliever, he does have a couple outstanding seasons as a starter under his belt, including a 14 – 2 season and a 9 – 1 campaign.

18. Harold Durham – Tampa Bay Don Cesars - SP, age 35, 11 ML seasons. Asking $5.6M/1 year. Signed for $11.6M/2 years. Tale of two careers, as he put up good numbers in the first half in some good pitcher's parks. Since going to Colorado the stats were not there, but he averaged 12 wins, including 15 W's in season 40.

19. Jamie Washington – Trenton Trunk Monkeys - SS, age 30, 7 ML seasons, Asking $7.6M/2 years. Signed for $23M/5 years. Has been bounced around the diamond a lot, but the two-time Gold Glove winner can be a serviceable shortstop while being a tough out at the plate.

20. Albert Jose – Chicago Made Punks - SP, age 32, 9 ML seasons. Asking $11.2M/2 years. Signed for $11.2M/2 years. Essentially pitched his entire career in Santa Fe, so we take his numbers with a grain of salt. After getting traded to Milwaukee midseason, he posted a 1.11 WHIP and 3.80 ERA in 45 innings last year. Has the potential to be one of those 100 inning impact relievers.

Season 42's Hall of Fame Inductee

 Benny Molina, 2B

9 Time All Star, 1 Time MVP, 6 Time Silver Slugger 2B, 1 Time Silver Slugger LF

AVG	G	AB
.290	2,061	7,873
R	H	HR
1,595	2,287	372
RBI	SB	SLG
1,181	705	.509

About a well-rounded player as King Felix has ever seen.  His MVP season in 30 says it all; 196 runs scored, 40 doubles, 21 triples, 45 home runs, 146 RBI, 89 stolen bases, and 13 plus plays at 2B....Benny has a Black Belt in Tae Kwon Do.  He is an amateur magician and a certified locksmith...Earned over $148 million in his professional career, averaging just over $12M per season...Incredible speed/power combo, with 11 seasons of 20+ home runs (including two 40 homer seasons), and 8 seasons of 50+ stolen bases...Benny has been recognized as one of the best casually dressed men of America.  He and his wife have a son, Benjamin Earl, Jr,....Averaged over 7.5 plus plays per 162 games at second base for his career...Four seasons of 100+ walks, two seasons of 1.100+ OPS, ten seasons of 100+ runs scored.

Season 42 Top Free Agent Signings

1. Robin Walter –Colorado Surf Riders III - SS, age 32, 10 ML seasons. Asking $13.5M/2 years. Signed for $56.5M/5 years. Season 39's MVP is a five-time All-Star and is the rare SS that can both hit and field, as witnessed by his two Gold Gloves and his season 38 Silver Slugger award. Probably has at least two more seasons at short before he has to move down the spectrum. No doubt one of the best SS's in world history.


2.  Stefen Redondo – Jacksonville Minutemen - 1B, age 31, 10 ML seasons. Asking $29.5M/5 years. Signed for $59M/5 years. The statistical oddity is that he's won more MVP's than All-Star berths (4 to 3.) One of the World's all time greats has averaged 43 HR, 119 RBI, and a .1003 OPS for his career. His insane season 34, in which he hit .337 with 61 HR and 171, will go down as one of the best in history.


3. Samuel Merrick – Anaheim Arte Morenos -  COF, age 33, 11 ML seasons. Asking $26.5M/3 years, signed for $74M/4 years. Has made the All-Star team in all 11 of his ML seasons, and is a four time Silver Slugger. Even though his days of playing CF are over, he is easily one of the best of all time. Has averaged 46 HR, 122 RBI and 31 SB for his career, including season 39's 40/40 season.


4. Conner Carbonell – Las Vegas Bookies - INF, age 31, 7 ML seasons. Asking $33.5/4 years. Signed for $85.6M/5 years. Three-time All-Star, three time Silver Slugger. His bat would justify playing him at short for another season or two, but would really pick it at second or third. Had a career low 18 HR last season in spacious Burlington, but should be good for 25 or so in a more hitter friendly situation.


5. Delanor Melville – Scranton Rail Riders - SP, age 34, 11 ML seasons. Asking $21M/3 years. Signed for $75M/5 years. Pencil the workhorse in for 200+ innings and double digit wins every season. Can be dominating at times, but has a tendency to give up the long ball when he's not going right. Career 1.24 WHIP makes him a legit top of the rotation starter.


6. Dude Blake – Scranton Rail Riders - SP, age 32, 10 ML seasons. Asking $28M/4 years. Signed for $83.1M/5 years. Averages 12 wins and just under 200 IP per season, Two-time All-Star has a career 3.55 ERA and 1.25 WHIP.


7. Francisco Melian –Chicago Blues - RP, age 28, 6 ML seasons. Asking $27M/4 years. Signed for $76M/5 years. The two time Fireman of the Year hits free agency in his prime. He's averaged 43 saves in his 5 full seasons as a closer.


8. Mateo Flores - Colorado Surf Riders III -  SP - age 35, 14 ML seasons. Asking $5.6M/1 year.  Signed for $$22.5M/4 years.   Ten seasons with double digit wins, including 31's stellar 18-6 mark (with 4 saves to boot) and a 3.30 ERA and 1.11 WHIP,


9. Marino Gandarillas –Salem Shockers -  INF, age 31, 9 ML seasons. Asking $22.8M/3 years. Signed for $14M/2 years.  His lack of pop in the bat makes him probably better suited to play 2B but did win a GG at third. Adds value with his speed, as he's averaged 25 doubles and 34 steals over the last three seasons.


10. Pasqual Rodriguez – Colorado Surf Riders III - SP/RP, age 36, 15 ML seasons. Asking $10.4M/2 years. Signed for $8.3M/3 years. In another statistical oddity, the swingman went 0 – 33 in his five seasons as part of Santa Fe's tandem starting staff. He doesn't have the stamina to give you starters innings, but can be a very valuable guy to have on a staff because he gets guys out. Has a career 1.26 WHIP, even after his stretch in homer-happy Santa Fe.


11. Rob Canseco – Pawtucket Poster Nutbags - COF/1B, age 36, 16 ML seasons. Asking $3.4M/1 year. Signed for $3.4M/1 year. Switch hitting two-time All-Star will still be a solid top of the order hitter, even at 36. The speed/power may never be the same, but bank on a .300+ average and .350+ OBP.


12. Kevin Hatteberg – Fargo Marlboro Men - 1B/DH, age 35, 12 ML seasons. Asking $6.8/2 years. Signed for $6.8M/2 years. Five- time Silver Slugger and three-time All-Star can still rake at the dish. A career .321 hitter, he dipped to .280 last season but should get back up to his typical .900+ OPS.


13. Ivan Melo- Los Angeles Colemans - C/DH, age 29, 8 ML seasons. Asking $3.8M/1 year. Signed for $7.6M/2 years. Won't be winning any Gold Gloves behind the plate (well, then again you never know in HBD world), but is coming off his best offensive season when he put up career highs with 23 HR and a .922 OPS. Will need his rest, but you can bank on some good numbers when he plays.


14. Slade Rehfield – Tampa Bay Don Cesars - RP, age 33, 10 ML seasons. Asking $10M/2 years. Signed for $6.8M/2 years. Can be one of those 100 innings out of the bullpen guys, if he can stay healthy. Made the All-Star team in 39 by virtue of his 8-2 record with a 2.97 ERA and 1.22 WHIP.


15. Ivan Guzman – Cincinnati Dawgs - RP, age 35, 13 ML seasons. Asking $3.8M/1 year. Signed for $3.8M/1 year. His stats are inflated because he's pitched primarily in Colorado and Santa Fe. He has 158 career saves, including a perfect 17 for 17 in season 37.


16. Midre Salas – Colorado Surf Riders III - C/DH, age 28, 4 ML seasons Asking $9.2M/2 years. Signed for $11.3M/4 years. Back-to-back 97 RBI seasons in 39 and 40.


17. Kiki Torres –Salem Shockers - C/DH, age 33, 9 ML seasons. Asking $7.4/2 years. Signed for $6.8M/2 years.  Last season's 24 HR was his career low, so his value as a hitter may no longer make up for his defensive deficiencies behind the plate.  He has averaged 29 HRs for his career.

18. Aaron Robertson –Cincinnati Dawgs - RP, age 29, 7 ML seasons. Asking $8.4M/2 years. Signed for $21M/5 years. Has had a hit or miss type career to date, but is still only 29. Has a perfect 28 for 28 saves season on his resume, as well as another in which he saved 39 of 40.   

19. Jose Leon – Philadelphia Phoenix - SP, age 37, 15 ML seasons. Asking $11.6M/2 years. Signed for $11.6M/2 years. 221 career wins, including 20 last season (while posting an 8.13 ERA!!) Can still be a viable back end of the rotation starter.


20.

Season 39 Power Rankings - Playoff Push Edition

Montreal Stars

Current: 1  Last: 1

5 game lead for the number 1 seed, miles ahead for at least a bye.

  

Los Angeles Colemans

Current: 2  Last: 3

Division is safe, but in a fierce battle for one of the byes.  Five teams separated by no more than 2 games.

Charlotte Charlatans

Current: 3  Last: 2


Could still catch Montreal for the 1 seed, but could prove difficult with no more head to head matchups.  Has a 5 game lead for the 2 seed and a bye.

Colorado Surf Riders III

Current: 4  Last: 15

Battling Anaheim and Vegas for the division, with a series against each left.  Wildcard is a fall back with a six-game lead.

Cincinnati Dawgs

Current: 5  Last: 14

In a crazy battle for the NL North with Fargo and Detroit.  Two teams will make the playoffs, possibly all three.  Cincy holds the edge in head to head  tiebreakers over the other two.

Fargo Marlboro Men

Current: 6  Last: 13

The division winner could also qualify for a bye, so the remaining series's against division opponents is huge.  Currently has head-to-head edge over Detroit, but not Cincy.

Detroit Chippewas

 Current: 7  Last: 4

Has not fared well against division opponents, so will most likely have to win the division outright.  Clinched the head-to-head tiebreaker over Tampa if it comes down to a wild card tie.

Iowa City Johnsons

  Current: 8  Last: 6

Has a six-game lead for the division, and is in a tight battle for a bye seeding.

Santa Fe Brooks

Current: 9  Last: 12

Six game lead in the division, six games behind for a bye.

Tampa Bay Don Cesars

Current: 10  Last: 7

Six games back for the division with another series against Iowa.  Four games back for a wild-card.

Anaheim Arte Morenos

Current: 11  Last: 5


Big series coming up against Colorado, but they trail the head to head match up (2-5).  If division hopes fail, they do have a 5 game lead for a wildcard spot.

 

Wichita Rocks

 Current: 12  Last: 9

Six games behind Sante Fe with a series still on the schedule.  Big series coming up against Vegas in the battle for a wildcard.  Currently trail the season series against them at 3-4.

Washington D.C. Senators

Current: 13  Last: 21

If they can hold their four-game lead over Philly, they would lock into the four seed.  Final series of the season against their division rival.  

Las Vegas  Bookies

Current: 14  Last: 18

Have to pass both Colorado and Anaheim for the division.  In a battle with Wichita for a wildcard, with a handful of teams breathing down their necks.  Have a 4-3 lead in the season series against the Rocks.

Texas Wildcats

Current: 15  Last: 16

Honolulu Jackwagons

 Current: 16  Last: 8

Still in the hunt for a wildcard at six games back with series's remaining against Anaheim and Vegas.

Tacoma Tornadoes

Current: 17  Last: 10

Boston Braves

Current: 18  Last: 25

Some strong play as of late has thrust them into the playoff mix.  Currently 2 games back for a wild-card.  They have some tough opponents left on the schedule, including a series against Wichita.

New York Blues

Current: 19  Last: 22

Five games back for a playoff spot, with series's against Wichita, Anaheim and Vegas still on the schedule.

Jacksonville Minutemen

Current: 20  Last: 11

Three games back of a wildcard spot, with series's left against Wichita and Anaheim.

Syracuse Barking Spiders

Current: 21  Last: 23

Recent tough stretch has knocked them 7 games out of a wild-card spot with lots of teams to jump over.

Scranton Rail Riders

Current: 22  Last: 20

Six games back for a playoff spot, but would have to leapfrog several teams.

Philadelphia Phoenix

Current: 23  Last: 24

Trying to make up four games to catch DC for the division.  Would probably have to win the division outright as they've dropped 5 out of 7 so far to their rival.

Durham Bulls

Current: 24  Last: 17

Seven games back for a playoff spot, but lots of teams in front.

Milwaukee and Peele

Current: 25  Last: 27

Richmond Confederates

Current: 26  Last: 19

Ottowa Dead Bunnies

Current: 27   Last: 29

San Francisco Lockdown

Current: 28  Last: 26

Trenton Thunder

Current: 29  Last: 28

Pittsburgh Parrott Heads

Current: 30  Last: 30

San Jose Sea Slugs

Current: 31  Last: 32

New York Bombers

Current: 32  Last: 31

Season 39 Midseason Power Rankings

Montreal Stars

Current: 1  Last: 2

Not in consideration for an All-Star spot?  I thought Kate Upton's 46-year-old cousin was the only one allowed to f#!k Julius Ramirez!

Charlotte Charlatans

Current: 2  Last: 3

Making their charge for the top spot, led by "King Kong" Conner Carbonell.  By the way, if the inhabitants of Skull Island built a gigantic wall to keep Kong out of their village, why the heck did they put in a door big enough for him to get through?  It doesn't make sense.

  

Los Angeles Colemans

Current: 3  Last: 9

The NL All-Star team to officially be named the Colewas.

Detroit Chippewas

 Current: 4  Last: 6

...or maybe the Chippmans.

Anaheim Arte Morenos

Current: 5  Last: 12

Old man Ossie Davis putting snot on the ball.  He's just gotta be.

Iowa City Johnsons

  Current: 6  Last: 1

Daryl Hartman looking to those Iowa cornfields for someone to ease his pain.

Tampa Bay Don Cesars

Current: 7  Last: 11

Not in consideration for an All-Star spot?  I thought Kate Upton's G5 pilot was the only one allowed to f#!k Clayton O'Keefe!

Honolulu Jackwagons

 Current: 8  Last: 5

Old man Louie Li putting snot on the ball. He's just gotta be.

 

Wichita Rocks

 Current: 9  Last: 20

Alexi Arenado hittin' 'em with the Hein!

Tacoma Tornadoes

Current: 10  Last: 10

Out of pure desperation, team wrapping their bats in barbed wire and calling them Lucille, (except for Benny Molina, of course.)

Jacksonville Minutemen

Current: 11  Last: 15

Not in consideration for an All-Star spot?  I thought Kate Upton's agent was the only one allowed to f#!k Mike Christians!

Santa Fe Brooks

Current: 12  Last: 8

Vicente Vasquez before each at bat; "This is my bat. There are many like it but this one is mine. My bat is my best friend. It is my life. I must master it as I must master my life. Without me, my bat is useless. Without my bat I am useless. I must swing my bat true. I must hit harder than my enemy, who is trying to beat me. I must outhit him before he outhits me. I will. Before God, I swear this creed: my bat and myself are defenders of my team, we are the masters of my enemy, we are the saviors of my life. So be it, until there is no enemy, but peace. Amen."

Fargo Marlboro Men

Current: 13  Last: 4


Hayes O'Brien hittin' 'em with the Hein!

Cincinnati Dawgs

Current: 14  Last: 7

Not in consideration for an All-Star spot?  I thought Kate Upton's maid was the only one allowed to f#!k Stefen Redondo!

Colorado Surf Riders III

Current: 15  Last: 14

Andy Lincoln hittin' 'em with the Hein!

Texas Wildcats

Current: 16  Last: 16

Ender Crespo hittin' 'em with the Hein!

Durham Bulls

Current: 17  Last: 26

James Nelson hittin' 'em with the Hein!

Las Vegas  Bookies

Current: 18  Last: 19

Not in consideration for an All-Star spot?  I thought Kate Upton's nanny was the only one allowed to f#!k Lance Elder!

Richmond Confederates

Current: 19  Last: 25

Troy Perez hittin' 'em with the Hein!

Scranton Rail Riders

Current: 20  Last: 17

Not in consideration for an All-Star spot?  I thought Kate Upton's personal chef was the only one allowed to f#!k Max Thompson!

Washington D.C. Senators

Current: 21  Last: 13

Old man Birdie Henley putting snot on the ball.  He's just gotta be.

New York Blues

Current: 22  Last: 22

Bats, they are sick. We cannot hit curveball. Straightball we hit it very much. Curveball, bats are afraid. I ask Jobu to come, take fear from bats. We offer him cigar, rum. He will come. (Erubiel Ramirez offered up some Cubans and a 33-year Glenlivet, apparently.)

Syracuse Barking Spiders

Current: 23  Last: 21

Not in consideration for an All-Star spot?  I thought Kate Upton's personal bathroom attendant (aka The Arse Wiper) was the only one allowed to f#!k Lon Giles!

Philadelphia Phoenix

Current: 24  Last: 18

Old man Edgardo Cruz putting snot on the ball.  He's just gotta be.

Boston Braves

Current: 25  Last: 24

Terrell Whitaker hittin' 'em with the Hein!

San Francisco Lockdown

Current: 26  Last: 28

In the words of the immortal Morris Buttermaker: "You guys swing like Helen Keller at a Piñata party."  (Excepting Ismael Escobar, of course.)

Milwaukee and Peele

Current: 27  Last: 31

Not in consideration for an All-Star spot?  I thought Kate Upton's 240-pound doppelganger was the only one allowed to f#!k Hugh Anderson!

Trenton Thunder

Current: 28  Last: 30

Fans are complaining that they'd rather watch cotton candy being made, or even watch a Medieval Festival than watch this group (excepting  Kendry Mesa, of course.)

Ottowa Dead Bunnies

Current: 29   Last: 23

Jerry Winchester  hittin' 'em with the Heeeeeeiiiiiiiin!

Pittsburgh Parrott Heads

Current: 30  Last: 27

I'm a big fan of the Jason Vorhees movies (even the one in space.)  Except the one in which he's supposed to take Manhattan.  90 percent of the damn movie takes place on a damn boat.

New York Bombers

Current: 31  Last: 29

In the spirit of coffee's for closers only, Sidney Little has been banned from partaking in any and all caffeinated beverages in the clubhouse.

San Jose Sea Slugs

Current: 32  Last: 32

No crying in baseball?  Oh yes.  There is.  Lots and lots of crying. (Except over Yadier Padilla, of course.)